With all the stories we hear about crimes involving children and teenagers nowadays, I sometimes find myself wondering:
Who is really to blame?
Is it social media? Video games? Easy access to technology? The government? Schools? Teachers? Their friends?
Or is part of the responsibility ours, as parents?
I am a millennial mom, and as uncomfortable as it may be to admit, I sometimes feel like our generation has played a bigger role in shaping today’s children than we want to acknowledge.
Are We Too Afraid to Discipline Our Children?
Parenting has changed dramatically over the years.
Many of us grew up in households where discipline was strict. You knew when you crossed a line, and you knew there would be consequences when you got home.
Today, conversations about parenting are very different. We talk more about children’s emotions, mental health, communication, and understanding their feelings. I believe those things are important.
But I also wonder if, somewhere along the way, some parents started confusing gentle parenting with a lack of discipline.
Understanding why a child behaves a certain way doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be consequences for that behavior.
Children need love and understanding, but they also need boundaries.
I Don’t Regret Disciplining My Child
I grew up in a generation where physical discipline was normal, and I carried some of that into my own parenting.
My son experienced the infamous slipper, hanger, my hand, and yes, even a ladle.
We can laugh about some of those memories now that he is older. But looking back, I also understand that parenting and discipline continue to evolve. There are healthier and more effective ways to teach consequences than physical punishment.
What I don’t regret, however, is teaching my child that his actions have consequences.
That lesson matters.
Because eventually our children grow up and enter a world where consequences become much more serious.
A parent can ground you.
A teacher can give you detention.
But the real world can take away your education, your career, your freedom, and in the worst circumstances, your life.
Children Need to Understand Boundaries
One thing I strongly believe children need to learn is that they are not the center of the world.
Yes, they deserve respect.
Yes, their opinions matter.
Yes, their emotions deserve to be heard.
But respecting children doesn’t mean removing authority, rules, or consequences from their lives.
There is still a structure they need to understand.
At home, parents have a responsibility to guide them. At school, teachers have rules they are expected to follow. And as members of society, all of us are expected to follow laws.
You may disagree with a rule. You may be angry about it. You may even believe it is unfair.
But that doesn’t automatically give you the right to hurt another person.
That’s a lesson children need to learn long before they become adults.
Social Media Isn’t Raising Our Children. We Are.
It’s easy to blame technology.
And yes, social media absolutely influences children. So do video games, influencers, celebrities, classmates, teachers, and everything they consume online.
But who gave them the phone?
Who decides how much time they spend online?
Who is supposed to notice when their behavior begins changing?
Who should be teaching them the difference between something they see on a screen and something that is acceptable in real life?
We are.
Technology may influence our children, but parents still have an enormous responsibility in determining how children learn to interact with the world around them.
We cannot control everything they see.
But we can teach them how to respond to it.
Discipline Doesn’t Have to Mean Spanking
As someone who grew up with physical discipline, I understand why many parents associate discipline with spanking.
But discipline is much bigger than that.
Discipline can mean taking away privileges. It can mean limiting screen time. It can mean giving additional responsibilities, setting curfews, requiring apologies, making children correct what they have done wrong, or simply refusing to rescue them from every uncomfortable consequence of their decisions.
The method may differ from one household to another.
The important thing is that children understand:
Choices have consequences.
If you hurt someone, there are consequences.
If you break something, you take responsibility.
If you disrespect someone, you make it right.
If you break the law, being young doesn’t magically erase the damage you caused.
Loving Our Children Also Means Holding Them Accountable
Sometimes I think our generation is so determined to give our children what we didn’t have that we risk taking away something we actually needed.
Resilience.
Accountability.
Respect for boundaries.
The ability to hear the word no.
The understanding that the world will not always adjust itself around our feelings.
Of course, children should feel safe talking to their parents. They should know they are loved. They should know that home is a place where they can make mistakes and learn from them.
But love should not mean protecting them from every consequence.
Sometimes loving your child means telling them they are wrong.
Sometimes it means allowing them to be disappointed.
Sometimes it means being the parent they are angry with today because you’re trying to help them become the adult they need to be tomorrow.
So, Who Is Really to Blame?
I don’t think there is one simple answer.
Parents cannot control everything their children do. Good parents can raise children who make terrible decisions, just as people who had difficult childhoods can grow into kind and responsible adults.
Social media plays a role. Peer pressure plays a role. Schools, communities, family circumstances, individual personalities, and countless other factors play a role too.
But as parents, I don’t think we can remove ourselves from the conversation.
Before blaming TikTok, video games, schools, teachers, or the government, perhaps we also need to look inside our own homes.
Are we teaching our children accountability?
Are we setting boundaries?
Are we allowing them to experience reasonable consequences?
Are we teaching them to respect other people’s lives, property, and rights?
And most importantly, are we preparing them for a world where Mom and Dad will no longer be able to protect them from the consequences of their decisions?
Because one day, they will leave our homes.
And by then, the consequences of their actions may be far greater than anything we could ever give them as parents.
Our job isn’t simply to raise happy children. It’s to raise children who can eventually become responsible adults.
